Is the way you express YOUR emotions denying him space to express his?

Guys get a bad rap when it comes to feelings. Basically, people think we don’t have them, don’t want to share them, and don’t want to listen to them, either. But, that’s not true. Let me tell you about what’s really going on for men when it comes to feelings, and show you how you can use this knowledge to build a solid foundation for a secure, lasting relationship.

1. Understand that we don’t feel the way you do.

A lot of the pain and frustration I see in women results from thinking that when it comes to feelings, men function like women. But, the truth is that we have a much harder time processing and handling feelings than you do. We’re not as good at it. We also don’t have the extensive support system that women have, which explains why men escape into things like work, sports, and the television.

If you can understand this and learn to work with us instead of against us, you’re already getting a huge advantage when it comes to men and relationships. The other thing to remember is that as men, we want to fix things. And we get really frustrated when we can’t. Which brings me to …

2. Take the pressure off him to “fix” your feelings.

Of course, you want a man to acknowledge and satisfy your feelings and desires. It’s a man’s place in a relationship to be a good partner and a great lover, to care for you, listen to you, connect deeply, show loyalty, and to share.

But, when you demand that a man meet your emotional needs and you “lean” on him out of your own fears, frustrations, and uncertainty, you set the both of you up for disappointment. No relationship can meet all of your emotional needs. Relationships are about growth, and not about becoming dependent on someone else meeting your emotional needs at any time you want.

3. Take the lead in positive communication.

Now that you know you are much more adept at feeling your feelings and sharing them, use this knowledge to create a supportive environment for good communication with your man. How? First, always try to come from a place of compassion and understanding. I know this is hard to do, but think about it—you get what you give. And, you will get a lot further with a man when you approach your interactions with him this way. Understand that he doesn’t “get” feelings and communication the way you do.

Instead of approaching a conversation thinking he’s doing something on purpose or being insensitive, shift your awareness to thinking he just needs help understanding where you’re coming from. Then, communicate from that place.

Instead of saying, “I’m fed up that you never want to hang out with my friends,” try a positive set up like this: “You know I want us both to feel happy in this relationship, and I always want to share and communicate honestly with you. I notice that we don’t do a lot of things with my friends, and I’d really like them to know you better. How do you think we can make this work for both of us?” When you talk to a man with a positive set-up like this, you’re priming him to see that you are not looking to fight—you’re looking to get things right.

In order to make a relationship work, it’s critical for you to understand that men simply aren’t “wired” the same way women are when it comes to connecting on an emotional level. But, when you take responsibility for your own feelings and share them with him in a positive way, he’ll see that you are a capable, competent woman who puts the relationship first—the kind of woman he wants to have at his side.

Don’t let negative fear and emotions get in the way of the amazing relationship that should be yours. To learn how to share your feelings with a man in a way he’ll truly respond to, subscribe to Christian’s free e-newsletter. He’ll teach you how to talk to a man in a way that won’t make you appear needy and clingy … and will make him see you as the one woman he can’t live without.

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Learn why the cougar is hunted by so many men.

The younger man who has a sexual encounter with an older woman will remember it as some of the best sex of his life. The benefits will continue when the young man is ready for a relationship with a girl of his age. One result to having experienced sex with a cougar is the attraction may end up becoming his “type.” Once you’re with a cougar, you’ll be hard pressed to find a better tutor.

Here are ten reasons younger men say that their older lovers are sexually superior to their younger lovers:

1. It’s a numbers game. The age of a cougar age alone means many more years of experience with multiple partners. Before marriage, they may have had a few partners. After divorce, the notches on their bedposts may have gone up exponentially.

2. Older women have had lots of practice. Cougars have been in long term relationships and marriages, which have provided years of sexual experience with one partner. Those memories are implanted into the older woman’s brain, and whether good or bad have shaped her sexual expertise.

3. Older women know what they want. Their self-awareness comes from years of experience and communicating with sexual partners. They’ve tried different positions, techniques, and fetishes. They’ve self-pleasured themselves for many years, and aren’t afraid of communicating the stuff that really gets them purring. If the girl doesn’t know what she wants, it’s hard for the man to figure it out. Cougars know exactly what they want and which buttons the guy needs to press.

4. Cougars have learned what men want . . . and are eager to find out the specific desires of their current boyfriend. They’ve been taught by a variety of partners which positions and techniques turn men on. They ask questions and figure out what makes their man roar like the king of a lion’s den. What they don’t know, they will research in books, movies or on the Internet.

5. The older woman enjoys sex as much as her younger male partner without hidden agendas. They don’t have any delusions that they are going to hook this man into marriage and/or start a family. This takes the pressure off a man who just wants to have fun without obligations. This stress relief is a major reason sex is great with an older woman who’s not as needy or demanding.

6. Older women realize the importance of sex in a relationship. She may have been in a marriage where sex was withheld. She won’t use sex as a bargaining chip or to try to get something materialistic from the younger man. Cougars know the psychological and physical benefits to regular sex.

7. It’s flattering to the younger man that a hot older woman finds him desirable. It’s a challenge to be with an attractive, sexy older lady who is physically fit and keeps herself well groomed. She has the time to take care of herself since her children are older and less dependent.

8. Older women enjoy teaching their eager younger students. They know when to be dominant and submissive. The man senses this knowledge and power, which is very stimulating. The older woman will buy books, lingerie, sex toys, candles and wine to set the mood.

9. Older women have confidence in their bodies and sexual prowess. This is a huge turn on for men who may have been with young girls who are just learning the ropes. The younger girls may be self-conscious and uncomfortable talking dirty in bed. Older women are spontaneous and comfortable being naked.

10. Older women aren’t afraid of communicating. The younger man will know exactly where he stands with her. She won’t play mind games with her younger man by not answering her phone. She will approach a man in a bar and not wait for him to make the first move. She will indicate what she wants from the relationship. She will openly share her sexual needs and desires. She isn’t worried about losing the man if she expresses herself.

Source: www.popsugar.com

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Divorces can get quite ugly, particularly when there isn’t a prenup. It’s easy to make mistakes at the very beginning of the divorce process, especially if you’re dealing with someone who is highly manipulative, abusive, or just plain irrational. Even if you are divorcing a reasonable person, it’s tough to think clearly and make the right initial decisions. Most people are so angry, upset, or anxious at the end of their marriage that they’re not thinking logically about what they should do to protect themselves or their children from an unfair settlement.

In the past, the prevailing emotions during a divorce were usually sadness and regret. Today, anger is the dominant emotion: people are angry at their spouse, their spouse’s parents, at their spouse’s new partners, etc. All this anger translates into words and deeds that make the divorce process more costly, stressful, frustrating, lengthy, and an all-out war. It doesn’t have to be that way, even if you are divorcing the most irrational of humans. Reading this list, however, might give you a head start on having the smoothest divorce possible. Below are the most common mistakes men make in divorce.
1. Using your children as pawns

Threatening to limit or deny visitation is a powerful threat, and it can terrify a parent who loves his child(ren). Often, parents who are the primary caregivers, but who lack the financial resources, feel that they must use this threat to gain sufficient financial support.

As painful as these threats are, do not respond in kind. Don’t issue threats of your own. Instead, recognize that in most cases, the truth will come out. If you’ve been a good, responsible parent, your spouse likely cannot deny you a chance to see your kids on a regular basis. More to the point, the court won’t allow it in most instances.
2. Thinking romance first, divorce second

The most common factor that turns a normal divorce into an abnormally contentious one is bringing another woman into the mix. The situation is already potentially volatile, and all it takes is the mention that you have a new lover for your spouse to become infuriated.

There are several reasons you may want to announce your new relationship-revenge, one being to show her that someone finds you attractive and you’ve even found happiness. Try to keep a new relationship out of the conversations with your spouse and especially your children. The best decision is to wait until the divorce is concluded before you engage in a new relationship.
3. Allowing your spouse to convince you not to hire an attorney

If your spouse has hired a lawyer, you need to hire one quickly. If you don’t, you are an amateur playing against professionals. One underhand tactic is for a spouse’s attorney to offer to represent both parties to save time and money. Not only is it unethical, but it also creates a conflict of interest.

The process is designed to be adversarial, and there is no way a lawyer can fairly represent you both. The odds are that your spouse has something to hide or something she wants, and she knows that if you hire a lawyer it will be more difficult to achieve that goal.
4. Rubbing salt in the wounds

If your goal is to avoid a court battle and the high costs that go with it, then you want to avoid any accusations of personality flaws. Be aware of your spouse’s sensitivities and avoid inflaming them. Compromise is the essence of divorce negotiations, and if you say and do things to encourage your spouse to dig in and be inflexible, you’re asking for a war.

No matter how much you despise your spouse; no matter how many ways you feel you’ve been wronged, don’t make a bad situation worse by identifying your spouse’s vulnerabilities when trying to reach a settlement. Always try to negotiate before you litigate.
5. Serving your spouse with divorce papers in embarrassing places

Having an officer of the law serve your spouse at home or business should be reserved for cases where they refuse to file an appearance or accept service of process, or where great conflict exists between the two parties.

There is nothing more embarrassing than having a police officer serve you with papers at work, and nothing more unnerving than hearing the doorbell ring at 2 a.m. and seeing a policeman at the door (and having your neighbors see him as well).

Source: Askman.com

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Last week I breathed a sigh of relief as I finally got my Save-the-Dates in the mail. I went the DIY route on them to save a little money and there were a couple of minor snafus along the way that held things up. Sprinkle in a 2-week vacation and not realizing just how long it would take to collect all the addresses and a month later, I was finally able to tick the box. Let’s just hope we’ve given everyone ample time to plan for our Cabo wedding in March!

Now that these are out of the way, on to tackle the rest of my list! There always seem to be a million little things in addition to all the big ones, but the Save-the-Dates were a huge one for me and I’m swearing up and down no more DIY!

All this wedding planning has got me thinking about my journey to the altar (and yes, it will be an altar because we are getting married in a beautiful Mexican Church). I could say that I’m completely fine and comfortable with the fact that I’m getting married for the first time in my mid-30’s, but that’s not 100 percent true. Mostly because I would have loved for us to enter mother-and father-hood earlier than we will.

But you play the hand you were dealt and on the flip side, there are a TON of reasons I’m glad I took my sweet time finding — and choosing — the man with whom I would spend the rest of my life. Mostly because I’ve had experiences that I may not have otherwise and these are what shaped me leading up to this moment:

1. Living alone: No parents, no roommates, no boyfriend, just me. After college, I was finished with sharing my space. I loved living alone and the sense of independence it gave me, not to mention the ability to create a quiet place to retreat that was all my own. Sometimes, when my introversion kicks in, I still dream about that little studio apartment on Lexington Avenue.
2. Learning to be comfortable with being alone: I think this is where living alone really helped me. I’m perfectly happy in the solitude of being physically alone. I don’t mind doing most things by myself. So when I found myself without a partner at various times in my life, I learned to be OK with that. This didn’t happen overnight but through the years, it became easier and helped me establish a sense of self that I’m proud of.
3. Dating. A lot. I went on no less than hundreds of dates and no, that doesn’t mean I kissed every single one of them. I just dated a lot and got to know my likes and dislikes extremely well. This helped me choose the best partner for me. I knew when I met David it would probably be forever and I’m certain I can owe it to all those dates. He, on the other hand, would like to pretend he’s the first man I ever dated.
4. Having my heart broken. This was never easy, but gosh, am I glad it happened. It made me stronger and of course, freed me up to meet my true love.
5. Traveling. I never knew how much I loved to travel until I dated someone who did, which sparked my interest in it. Since then, I’ve jumped at every chance to go somewhere I’ve never been before. One of my most memorable trips was a yoga and surf retreat I took in Costa Rica. I traveled alone and didn’t know a soul on the trip but I made new friends, did a lot of yoga and discovered surfing is probably not for me. Now I can share that love of travel with David, too.
6. Discovering myself and my true purpose. My long-time friends tell me I’m a completely different person today than I was 10 years ago and I have to agree. My 20’s were a time of self-discovery. I had so much fun, but I was also a bit of a hot mess. Looking for love, feeling unsettled, knowing that my corporate job wasn’t my true calling wasn’t always a pretty picture. I’m glad that time is over and I emerged knowing who I am and what I want. David fell in love with me and all my many flaws, but at least I got a lot of the messy stuff out of the way beforehand.
7. Learning to cook. All of the women in my family are wonderful cooks, but I felt like I missed the cooking gene. I simply wasn’t interested, until I realized that taking care of myself meant eating better, more nutritious food and that meant cooking it. I got into my little kitchen with those hand-me-down pots and pans and learned to cook. I followed recipes. I didn’t follow recipes. I grilled. I steamed. I spilled things. But I learned to cook and now it’s one of my favorite things in the world. I’m happy going into a marriage where I can cook for myself, cook for my husband or we can cook together — so many options!
8. Solidifying my faith and finding a spiritual path. I was raised Catholic but I always felt more spiritual than religious. I’ve been able to find a place where my faith and spirituality meet in the middle. I guess I used to think you were either spiritual (i.e. you meditated) or you were religious (you went to church). It was a huge relief to find I could do both!
9. Getting an education. The nerd in me is obsessed with learning and I really value education, so let’s just say I used my unmarried time wisely getting a master’s degree and also a health coaching and nutrition certification. I may not be finished getting letters after my name but even if I do stop there, I’d say those were some years well spent before getting my MRS.
10. Owning my own home. The one thing I wish I had done is bought my own home. I moved to NYC when I was 25 and had I lived almost anywhere but here, I probably would have. I never thought I’d live here this long nor was I brave enough to play the real estate game. All that’s about to change as David and I prepare to buy a someplace together, one that’s ours and we can call home.

The post 9 Things I’m Glad I Did Before Getting Married and 1 I Wish I Had appeared first on 12thBLOG.

When you go out tonight, remember that your bartender is the gatekeeper to your good time: He or she will see every move you make, and how you act could ultimately affect the speed of your service. We asked real barkeeps to reveal the common blunders that tick them off the most—and what you can do to make sure the drinks stay flowing all night.

1. Fumble your order. 

“When the bar is jamming, time is precious,” says Tad Carducci, bartender and cofounder of New York-based beverage consulting team Tippling Bros. Don’t roll up to the bar with, “So, um, one Jack and Coke, a . . . what bourbons do you have?  A . . . hold up, what do you guys want again? Ok, two Bud Lights, a white wine. Do you guys make like, classic cocktails and stuff or . . .” Bartenders allot an appropriate amount of time for every transaction—after all, they work on tips and want you to be happy with your selection. But when you don’t have your order ready, it’s inconsiderate and you become a nuisance, Carducci adds. Plan ahead of time.

2. Order a wild card.

“I can’t tell you how many guys come in and try to order the strongest and most expensive drink we offer in an attempt to impress their date,” says James Wright, bartender at Chicago’s Barrelhouse Flat. While we’re all for trying new libations—after all, how else are you going to find your signature drink?—picking something that sounds manly doesn’t mean it’ll taste good. “Guys order an Old-Fashioned or a Sazerac, and then end up cringing at every sip, and their date can tell the drink is too strong for them.”

Since mixologists want you to enjoy their creations—and you want to make a good impression with your date—ask for a menu if you don’t want your usual. A bar’s signature cocktails are tried-and-true, cringe-free concoctions, so choose one with your go-to liquor and flavors to live on the edge without quite as much risk.

3. Hold your money at eye level.

This habit is normally well intentioned: If the bartender sees a $20 bill in your hand, he knows you’re ready to order and will pay quickly. But waving a creased bill will turn his attention away, says Carducci. It makes you seem condescending and impatient instead of prepared. Plus, bartenders assume you’ll be ready to order and will pay quickly when they get to you—and waving money around will just add time to your wait.

4. Parade PDA. 

When you’re out with a fox and feeling bold from booze, the bar may seem like the perfect place to turn up the heat. But save it for the bedroom: “There’s a time and a place to make out with your date, and it’s not in front of bar patrons,” says Griffin Elliott, bartender at Chicago’s Sepia. It’s tacky, and you’re also taking up prime real estate for other customers who just want to get a drink.

5. Call the bartender “pal” or “chief.” 

Save the pet name for your pooch. “Just because we’re serving you, it doesn’t make us your servants,” says Bill Anderson, of Vie in Western Springs, Illinois. “We’re professionals, and addressing us like this is belittling.”

Source: www.menshealth.com

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10. Tom Sturridge

Engaged to Sienna Miller and best friend of Robert Pattinson, this 27-year-old has been carving out his own identity with roles in the recent On The Road and most famously The Boat That Rocked. He will next be seen on the big screen opposite Dakota Fanning and Emma Thompson in Effie.

9. Shiloh Fernandez

American actor Shiloh is best known for his breakthrough role in Red Riding Hood opposite Amanda Seyfried but could have lead a very different life had he not missed out on the role of Edward Cullen in Twilight. ‘Lucky for me, not getting that part led to other work that was a much better fit for me,’ he said.

8. Palma Violets

A London indie quartet that have been causing a stir on the underground scene with their catchy rock anthems. They’ve been featured on the cover of NME and also been shortlisted for the BBC’s Sound of 2013, not bad for a band who hasn’t even released their debut album yet. The boys are: Sam Fryer (vocals, guitar), Chilli Jesson (bass, guitar), Pete Mayhew (keyboards), Will Doyle (drums).

7. Sam Claflin

This 26-year-old has had some notable roles starring alongside Kristen Stewart in Snow White And The Huntsman and in Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides. It looks like Tinseltown will soon be rushing to open its doors for him after he bagged the pivotal role of Finnick Odair in The Hunger Games’ follow-up Catching Fire.

6. Joshua Bowman

Currently starring in US drama Revenge the 24-year-old makes a welcomed return to our TV screens for series two of the hit show. The beefy Englishman is unfortunately off the market as he is dating his co-star Emily VanCamp.

5. Dave Franco

The younger brother of Hollywood A-List actor James Franco, being handsome certainly runs in this family. Having starred in hit movie remake 21 Jump Street with Channing Tatum the 27-year-old believes ‘no one is going to hire me just because I’m James Franco’s little brother.’ Catch him next in Warm Bodies with Nicholas Hoult.

4. Eddie Redmayne

When he’s not wowing audiences with roles in My Week With Marilyn or most recently Les Miserables, the 30-year-old can be seen smouldering for the camera as a model for British fashion brand Burberry.

3. Henry Cavill

This hunky Brit will soon be seen in a red cape and tights as he takes on the mammoth role of Superman in the latest offering Man Of Steel. The 29-year-old has also appeared in Stardust and Red Riding Hood.

2. Guy Berryman

Chris Martin tried to pimp out the ridiculously good looking Coldplay bassist in a bid to raise £1million for charity. When he’s not on world tours with his successful band 34-year-old Guy Berryman can be found helping produce records for artists including The Pierces.

1. Joseph Gordon Levitt

Already a household name this 31-year-old is set for super stardom. He’s come a long way from his days on TV show 3rd Rock From The Sun and can now be seen in blockbuster movies including The Dark Knight Rises, (500) Days of Summer, Inception, Looper and his next offering Don Jon’s Addiction opposite Scarlett Johansson and Julianne Moore.

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2. Brad Pitt

3. Marc Jacobs

4. Ewan McGregor

5. Thom Evans

6. Marcus Schenkenberg

7. Mel Gibson

8. Russell Crowe

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Jonaid Carrera is a South African model, personal trainer, nutritionist, actor and presenter. Jonaid hosted dance reality competition Superdance South Africa, featured in a Sho’t Left commercial, and began co-hosting – with Phuti Khomo – the M-Net Series original reality show Rivals in Romance in January 2011

Dylan ‘Blayze’ King – CEO at Blayze Entertainment and the first South African face of Creative Recreation sneakers. Jozi’s Finest rapper and producer joins a list of high profile, international celebrities who have endorsed the label including Kanye West and Russell Simmonds

AKA, real name Kiernan Forbes took home numerous Metro FM awards for his music. This year he’s got his fans going craazzyy with his new hit ‘Jealousy’..

Sipho Masebe very popularly known as Cga Bopha. This new hottie on the scene, is a South African musician, actor, model, businessman and brand ambassodor for Patron and Ice Watch

J’Something, (real name Joao Fonseca, which no-one can pronounce, which is how the name J’something came about) has combined forced with Mo-T, Dr Duda, to form the group called MiCasa which took SA house music by storm..

Lee Stemmet, best known as 2012’s Big Brother Africa’s housemate.. but on a day to day lifestyle, he is very busy studying graphic designs..

Melusi Yeni has featured in many TV series, but right now, he is most recognised as Phenyo from Generations.

One of Kaizer Chiefs’ eye candy, Morgan Gould, who according to latest reports, will be on the sideline for up to six month after having surgery to repair his torn Achilles tendon..

Keagan Petersen, Big Brother Africa star’s 2012 winner. Cape Town-born, Keagan Petersen, works as an intern manager, and aspires to an IT degree

Sandile Sibande is Bidvest Wits midfielder, who makes soccer appealing to the ladies…

Da L.E.S, real name Leslie Mampe, (and if you’re wondering what L.E.S stands for, it’s Leslie Equals Success) is a musician also taking SA by storm. Fresh to Def was his debut solo album..

New kid on the block, Yackoob Nana, model and brand ambassador 4 Lee Cooper SA, was also featured on Tropika Island’s talented model search.

The post Mzansi’s Sexiest Top 12 Men – 2013 appeared first on 12thBLOG.

Johnny Depp has to be number one, because in all honesty, I couldn’t find another man in Hollywood who smolders more than he does!

2. Matthew McConaughey

I guess you could safely say that Matthew McConaughey is a bit of a ladies man. He isn’t the “manly, barbaric, take charge, man’s man” we all recognize so well in men like Mel Gibson or Gerard Butler.

3. Michael Fassbender

Michael Fassbender may not be a familiar name to everyone, but I’m sure his face would be familiar! And you can’t help but want to stare at it all day, right?

4. Liam Neeson

Ok, I’m sure I’ll get some rebuttles on this one, but each to his own opinion, right?

5. Shia Labeouf

Oh my! How many of you have seen the newest Transformers? I recently saw it and I was once again blown away!

6. Josh Duhamel

Speaking of Transformers… We can’t leave out Shia Labeouf’s cute-very cute-co-star Josh Duhamel! He looked totally irresistible and tantalizing in his role as a sexy law-man.

7. Gerard Butler

I suppose Gerard Butler is one of those men who have to “grow” on you, but he certainly can “grow”!

8. Enrique Iglesias

Thousands of girls over the world are probably screaming right now to see Enrique Iglesias’ name on this list and I’ll admit I’m right along with them!

9. Paul Walker

Paul Walker and those cool blue eyes that stare right through you are most certainly on my list for 10 hottest men in Hollywood!

10. Jake Gyllenhaal

Last, but certainly not least, is Jake Gyllenhaal! He makes my list of the hottest guys without a doubt!

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How would you react to such a woman?     Photographer Lilly McElroy took all of these photos of herself jumping into the arms of various men for her project aptly titled I Throw Myself at Men. See how these men react to playing part in this age-old tradition.

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