Because being a hater sucks the life out of you.
Have you ever bumped into an old buddy whose life seems like a dream to you? Or checked your Instagram feed to see a former co-worker looking hot in a bikini, running a successful business and getting awards for her philanthropy? Well, if you THEN imagined yourself clawing her sparkly little eyes out, continue reading.
C’mon, even the most confident women on the planet, after a couple of drinks, might admit to a tinge of resentment and envy towards other women from time-to-time. But the key is knowing how to keep it in check: that, my friend, makes all the difference (I swear)!
“Life isn’t fair.”
“I’m better, prettier or smarter than her.”
“Why does she have that and not me?”
Sound familiar? Sure does to me, and here are a few tips to help you snap out of that mentallity when it’s creeping up on you.
But first, check this out: According to Oprah and Deepak in the 21 Day Meditation Experience, when you witness someone else’s success and you allow yourself to feel a genuine happiness for them, it naturally boosts your own strength to attract what you desire.
When you’re not so busy being insecure and jealous (it takes a lot of energy) you free yourself to become more productive and just become generally, happier. Countless psychological studies and ancient philosophies back this up.
Sounds like a darn good excuse to start becoming delighted when anyone around is winning! Now that we know why we should master getting to that point, here is what to do to keep the green-eyed monster from holding us down.
1. Remember, when another woman does well, it doesn’t hurt you.
The most important action to take is to understand and live this concept. Imagine if Beyonce looked at all of the bigtime entertainers when she was starting out and said “Well, somebody’s already out in the world, singing and dancing” and decided not to go for it?
Or even something as simple as your favorite wine, or ice cream.
What if the creators figured: nah, nobody wants another one of those. I don’t wanna live in a world without Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Fudge Brownie FroYo. Who would? This is why perspective is key to your success.
2. Realize that the jealousy has nothing to do with her and everything to do with you.
We, sometimes, feel upset with ourselves for not “making it” by now. Because we’re stuck in the past, we blame ourselves, our parents, exes and anyone else who we’ve been hurt by for why things are the way they are, at this moment.
Enough—just stop! Let go, forgive yourself and everyone else for whatever part they play in your misery because you are the only one in control of right now.
One super powerful technique that I use is to think of a person who I consider an enemy. Oh, there was a hateful woman I used to report to on one of my cruise ship gigs. She found so much joy in being the ultimate mean girl.
Long after I left that ship, she’d pop into my mind and I’d remember her evil manipulative ways and I’d hope that she got fired, that her marriage failed and that she was broke and lonely.
I would get in a bad mood and I would have to re-tell the story to anyone who would listen about how horrible she was to me back on the ship.
It was beyond toxic because I was letting that negative energy consume me. Until one day, I realized that she still had power over me (which is what she would want) and she wasn’t even a part of my life anymore. In that instant I told myself that when I had a thought of her next, I’d hope for only good things for her.
I visualized her being a happy, kind, thoughtful person who was madly in love with a great guy. She had a successful art business (she was an auctioneer on the ship) and she was widely respected by her peers. I went on and on in detail in my visualization about this woman’s beautiful life.
At first it was a little strange to think of her that way but as I continued to imagine tiny details, it felt good.
From then on, I began to use this on everyone from family members to rude store associates. Anyone who you’ve given that power to (or you feel that you might explode if they continue with the drama) it’s time to take it back. You can’t compartmentalize negativity. It seeps into every aspect of your life like a nasty cancer, coloring the lens through which you see others and yourself.
Do something every day towards your goals, large or small. Time gets away from us (2015, are you kidding me)? Don’t just talk or think about it, but get out there and do it. Even if you don’t believe you’re good enough. Just take action every day while staying open to learning and you will find your way. Have you ever heard, “hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard”? Well replace the word “talent” with “knowledge” and it remains true.
Taking action changes your day and you start to feel confident because you witness the progress, which encourages you further. The next time you see another woman living the good life, you will be able to think “my day is coming.” Why? because you see it on the horizon. Allow yourself to see her success as an affirmation.
You want to stop feeling jealous of the girl who has it all? One last thing to remember: Consider what this woman went through to get to where she is. You only see the results but she has sacrificed sleep, money, studying (simply put, she hustled)…you know, the blood, sweat and tears of it all plus failures along the way to get there. Appreciating this fact and allowing yourself to enjoy your own unique journey will help you feel genuine towards her accomplishments.
So why not follow these steps while throwing in a few habits of highly successful people like reading books (I’m currently reading Mindy Kaling—love that woman!), practicing gratitude and working out? Not only will you stop feeling jealous of the one who has it all, you are on your way to joining the club.