Katy Perry is performing the Super Bowl halftime show. Great.
Bad news for people who love football and aren’t deaf: Katy Perry is going to perform at the Super Bowl halftime show this February. Apparently, that whole controversy about the NFL trying to make performers pay to perform during the half time show was resolved. Or Katy Perry is paying to perform during the halftime show, the way her record label has been accused of paying radio stations to play her mediocre songs. Either way, this is happening, because the Super Bowl halftime show has become completely separated from the actual game of football, and no one that watches the game will care about the show, and vice versa.
In all honesty, I’d like to say that I don’t care, but that would be a lie. Even if the halftime show has nothing to do with the game, it’s still a pretty big performance. It’s one of the biggest shows of the year, and it’s always exciting to see what musicians come up for it each year. Whether it’s a lavish stage performance, or a cool medley of their best songs, it’s usually at the very least interesting to see.
Katy Perry isn’t interesting. I don’t hate her music, but that’s all I can say about it. She doesn’t really have anything interesting to bring to the table. We all know pretty much what she’s going to do. Here are my predictions in GIFs!
She’s going to do stuff, and no one’s really going to know if she’s being goofy or crazy. Everyone will uncomfortably accept it.
Katy Perry is undoubtedly going to remind us that she has boobs. That’s kind of her main selling point. Not the music, just the boobs.
She’ll try to do something fierce, but she won’t really be able to pull it off.
Katy Perry will probably try to act classy. She’ll try. She won’t succeed though, because, well, have you heard “Peacock” or “Ur So Gay?”
Katy Perry will appropriate some other culture, but in a way that she thinks celebrates it. Just in a way that makes it seem kind of trashy or that simply makes no sense, like a geisha wearing a qipao because she thinks Japan and China are the same thing.
Katy Perry will try to act sexy and hope that everyone pays attention to that and not her struggling vocals. Hey, it’s worked for her so far.
At one point, she’ll stare into the abyss and the abyss will stare back. Katy Perry will be enveloped in her own emptiness. The world will shine brighter the next day.
Katy Perry will do something that’s meant to be awe inspiring, and everyone will just feel way to embarrassed to say anything.
Nothing subtle will happen. At all.
Oh, also her face will be kind of weird. It’ll be something else she hopes no one notices.