Upping the kink factor in your relationship can actually be a great way for those of us who are more vanilla to break out of shells and experiment with something new. It can also be a way of feeling closer to our partner.

“This being said, there may be behaviors that you are just not open to doing and that is OK too,” says Dr. Kat Van Kirk, a clinical sexologist, marriage and family therapist, author and host. Partners should have enough sensitivity to work you into these behaviors as well as be ok with some hard and fast boundaries. Many people into kink have learned to be very good negotiators sexually as very few people have exactly the same proclivities.

2. Relax

Relaxing allows you to be more aware of your sexual energy, enhances sexual feelings, and frees you up to respond sexually, says Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., psychotherapist and author of Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting about the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage.

For example, allow time for morning sex when you are still relaxed from sleep, or after a nap. Save some water by showering together sometimes and let nature take its course. Maybe summon up your teenage hormones and try some naughty petting in the backseat of your care after date night. Whatever you do, just go with what feels natural, and make sure to have fun. That’s what great sex is all about.

3. Write A Dirty Story

Many men get off on porn, ladies on erotica—but we all love a bit of scintillation. Make it more personal with a service like Hoochy Mail Service, suggests Denise Beauregard, owner of Urban Intima Inc., an online intimate apparel retailer.

Hoochy mail is a free online erotic mail service that allows users to customize erotic stories written by the sender to the recipient. They can be romantic, sexy, or off the wall. If you were to send this to your significant other (his personal email only please, no need to peak an employers’ curiosity) well, let’s just day this move can make a man come straight the hell home.

4. Sexy Surprises

Most occasions, we send flowers, candy, maybe a teddy bear. Kick things up a notch with a delivery like Spicy Subscriptions, which discreetly delivers fun and flirty romantic surprises to your door. Every month you’ll be treated to romantic gifts, fun toys, massage oils, lingerie and more, which you can then “try out” together!

5. Communicate

The best beginning for a lovely sexual encounter is a good, honest and open conversation, says Tessina. When you were new lovers, you talked and sex was easy. Frequently make time to “catch up” with each other over an unhurried dinner or breakfast. Express your hopes and dreams, clear the air, and you can both relax. From there, it’s not such a long distance into the bedroom.

6. Sexy Scavenger Hunt

Select 12 items to hide around the house unbeknownst to one another and write out your clues. As each one of you find a clue you take a roll of the dice and do the roll, says Beauregard. The possibility of 24 acts of love and lust minimum, what thrill and this does not take into account any of the main events.

7. Be Flexible

Physical agility can be helpful, but emotional flexibility will really
improve your sex life, says Tessina. The longer you and your partner are together, the more you need options. Quickies are great fun when you’re pressed for time, and morning hanky panky can make the whole day more exciting.  Take things up a notch with a touch of role-play, says Tessina.

Act out all the silly, forbidden or exciting fantasies like nurse and patient (or doctor), children “playing house”, famous movie star and adoring fan, or your two favorite characters from a soap opera, novel or movie. If you feel a little silly, laughter will only make it more fun.

8. The Key Is Give & Take

Open a dialogue about what really turns the both of you on and don’t do it while you are in the middle of having sex. Be honest about what scares you and why. Lots of people who think of BDSM assume that it’s all whips and chains but in actuality there are a whole spectrum of behaviors from mild spanking to light bondage with silk ties.

“It is both partners’ responsibility to be gentle and really know what they are doing; while remain opening and communicating their needs. For instance, most people in the kink community know that it is the “bottom” or the person having things done to them that is actually in control of the play,” says Dr. Kat.

9. Evaluate The Situation

If you removed all of the negative self-talk from your head, are there situations that titillate you, even a little? Some guys feel the need to get over the idea of feeling threatened by a woman who is kinkier than he is. Some are afraid of being judged by others if they ever found out and some, well they are just not wired that way.

“Once you’ve looked at your fears, I always suggest trying something new. If you don’t like it, you can always communicate that. I find that most people don’t know what they are missing though. Once you can learn to open up sexually, often times you feel emotionally more connected as well just by sharing the experience,” says Dr. Kat.

10. Touch Me

If you’re thinking “the idea of sex is nice but I’m way too stressed to get there,” get your partner an aromatherapy massage candle to slow things down and heat things up, suggests sexologist Emily Morse, host of the podcast Sex with Emily.

Just light the candle and let it make a nice pool of warm luxurious massage oil (it’s not waxy or hot), then drip it from a foot above those body parts (yours or your partner’s) that need special attention. Start massaging the oil into the skin and go from there. You can even use them on my self as a body moisturizer every day.

11. Play

The couples that play together, stay together. Once you put away the Monopoly set, pull out a sexy board game to get you going and get you in the mood, says Dr. Morse.  Try the Love or Lust board game,  if you want some flirty fun or the Bondage Seductions Game if you’ve been wanted to kink things up.

1. Get Buzzed

A vibrator will enhance your sex life with or without a partner. You can get one to enhance your solo time and find those other pleasure spots, like the Fifi for extra G-spot stimulation or try Lifestyles’ His and Her pleasure massagers, which provide wonderful vibrating stimulation for men and women, says Dr. Morse. Ring in the New Year with a buzz, not a hangover.

The post 12 Ways To Bring The Sexy Back To Your Relationship appeared first on 12thBLOG.

With the craziness of the holidays in full swing, it’s easy to take out any frustrations on your SO. Sexual health expert Dr. Hilda Hutcherson told us that despite the distractions and stress, couples can avoid fights and feelings of distance during this time of year. Here are three common holiday pitfalls she shared, as well as tips for steering clear of them.

1. Feeling too unhealthy for intimacy. “With all of the holiday goodies that are, no doubt, in abundance during this time of the year, it is difficult for anyone to abide by a healthy diet,” Dr. Hutcherson concedes. And unfortunately, cookies and eggnog can lead to sluggishness that may turn couples off to intimacy, she explains. “Instead of allowing yourself to give into the power of sweets, make sure to stick to the old adage ‘everything in moderation,’ ensuring that you will to stay in good spirits and good shape.”
2. Neglecting each other. “The holidays are all about spending quality time with your loved ones, yet we often forget about the loved one who we see most often,” says Dr. Hutcherson. “If you are hosting family from out of town or visiting relatives elsewhere, be sure that your partner doesn’t feel neglected by interacting with your him, on an intimate level.” Some tips to help: flirting, touching, and connecting sexually. “A great trick: make a point to hug each other at least three times a day for at least 30 seconds each time,” she suggests.
3. Money worries. “Harping about the financial toll of the holidays is often a pitfall that claims many people during the Winter months,” Dr. Hutcherson points out. She says keeping the lines of communication open is key. “Discussing the pesky issues that arise can help couples address them together, thus bringing partners closer together. Getting the perfect gift doesn’t necessarily mean a fancy watch or diamonds.” Instead, she says, “invest time, as opposed to money, in your relationship.”

Do you have any advice to add?

The post Avoid These 3 Holiday Relationship Fights at All Costs appeared first on 12thBLOG.

From New York to Los Angeles and towns in between, YourTango set out to discover that answer by asking, “What’s the best love advice you ever heard?” Here, you’ll learn the marriage mantra Kyra Sedgwick shared with Angie Harmon, why actor Eric Dane considers himself so lucky in love, and much more. And don’t be shy … add your own “best love advice” in the comments!

1. Actress And Comedian Mindy Kaling

“My mom always used to say, “You can’t say I love you before you can say I.” And I think that sort of makes sense.”

2. Fox Sports Reporter Erin Andrews
“From my mom and dad, because they’re happily married for a long time: Just listen. Listen to him. I’m so independent and driven and stubborn. Just let him talk. It’s about not being so stubborn and having to win every argument. My parents set a great example. They love each other and take care of each other so much.”

3. Singer Jessie James
“It’s kind of cheesy, but my mama, who you all have seen on the show, says to cook for your man. She’s Southern, so when he comes home, be pullin’ a pie out of the oven. That’s always been her advice, and you know what? It works. Your man wants to see you in the kitchen, puttin’ some love into some food; it works for Eric, that’s for sure.”

4. Actress Candace Cameron Bure
“The best advice I’ve ever been given is being handed a Bible. That’s the blueprint for marriage that we go by, and that’s what our marriage is grounded in. We also have other married couples who are examples in our lives. My parents have been married over 40 years, and both sets of grandparents for over 65 years. When you see couples in long-term relationships and you see them go through good times and bad times, you realize it’s about being committed enough and loving your partner enough to hang in there regardless.”

5. HGTV’s Anthony Carrino
“My mom told me, “It shouldn’t be that difficult.” My parents had their moments for sure, but the majority of their relationship has been really great. It shouldn’t be that much work to make love work.”

6. HGTV’s John Colaneri
“Always be honest.”

7. The Real Housewives of Orange County’s Lydia McLaughlin
“Love is a decision, not just an emotion. It is selfless, and a commitment.”

8. TV Personality Giuliana Rancic
“You’ve got to be good to each other … it really comes back to respect. I was raised in a very Catholic, Italian family and it was all about respect. Don’t talk badly about [your partner] the second they walk out the door; really preserve your relationship and be good to each other. Treat it like gold.”

9. Actor Joe Manganiello
“The best love advice I’ve ever received is probably, ‘I’m not leaving the relationship; I’m just leaving the house.'”

10. TV Personality Andy Cohen
“Just go with your gut and communicate.”

11. Actress Alyson Hannigan
“Don’t ever spend more than three weeks apart. Two and a half weeks, maybe three, was the longest we ever did.”

12. TV Host & Actress Vanessa Lachey
“Don’t lie to your partner. Ultimately the expression on your face gives you away, and they feel betrayed by the lie. If this is the person you’re going to be with—forever and ever, for better or worse—they will love you for all of your good and all of your bad. They’ll love you for you. So open communication is key. I have no secrets and no skeletons in my closet with my husband, and I love that. I feel comfortable and at ease with myself when I’m around him. I love the woman that I’ve become with him.”

13: Burlesque Dancer Dita Von Teese
“I think the best love advice I’ve ever received is really about understanding that communication is key, of course, but also that there’s not one perfect person for you. You kind of have to accept what are the things that are negotiable for you and what are not.”

14. NFL Player Victor Cruz
“Take your time. Love is gonna come. Don’t force it. Don’t try to make it happen. Relax, take your time, and you’ll know when it’s there. My mom gave me that advice.”

15. Socialite Paris Hilton
“[My mom told me] to always be loyal and treat someone how you want to be treated. Find someone that you can love and that’s going to be your best friend.”

16. 30 Rock’s Katrina Bowden
“My mom always told me, “Whatever happens, will happen” or ‘Whatever is supposed to happen, will happen.” I’ve learned you’ll know when you find the right person. When I found the right person, I knew it immediately.”

17. The Hills’ Kristin Cavallari
“Someone gave me the Love Languages book, and that has been the best book I’ve ever read about relationships and has helped me the most.”

18. The Five Love Languages Author Dr. Gary Chapman
“Before I discovered the concept of the 5 love languages, a bit of advice I was given was to become a student of my wife and to take time to learn what makes her feel loved. I soon learned that what makes her feel loved may not always be the thing I want to do because it may not come natural to me. But learning to love her in the way that makes her feel loved is a greater demonstration of my love for her, because I’ve chosen to do it with a goal of pleasing her.”

19. Kim Kardashian’s BFF Jonathan Cheban
“Pay attention to the girl, instead of myself. A bunch of people [told me that]. It’s terrible. I’m very into myself, so people are always like, “Pay attention to the other person. Don’t ever separate yourself.” It’s a good lesson. I’m learning. I’m doing good.”

20. TV Personality Kelly Ripa
“Don’t get divorced after your first argument! I have a lot of friends that have one fight and that’s it, they get divorced. I go, ‘Wait a minute! Oh my gosh, you guys! Calm down! You’ll forget in three days what you were fighting about. I promise. So just let it marinate a little bit—that’s my best love advice.”

21. The Real Housewives of Miami’s Adriana de Moura
“When I was about 15, [my grandmother] said something I will always remember: ‘Love comes before money.’ I will never let anything like greed come between us when it comes to love. She was married to my grandfather for 70 years. It’s very hard to have a long-term relationship and if you’re not sure, it’s not going to last. Make sure that you truly love.”

22. Actor & Host Mario Lopez
“Treat a woman how you’d want someone to treat your mom.”

23 The Bachelorette’s Desiree Hartsock
“I think it’s trying to see through the other’s eyes and allowing yourself to be selfless. I think that’s when you have a balanced give-and-take to keep a good foundation.”

24. Olympic Gold Medal Winner Gabby Douglas
“Don’t be shy. Go for it and ask your crush out.”

25. American Idol and Glee’s Jessica Sanchez
“Have fun. Especially while you’re still young, you gotta keep the spark up. Even when things get boring, just remember to have fun.”

26. Pretty Little Liars’ Sasha Pieterse
“If you’re looking for love, focus on something you love to do and work hard. Love will find you. Basically, love yourself before you love anyone else. A lot of girls have such insecurities nowadays that you have to be comfortable with who you are before you can really have a good relationship with someone else.”

27. Professional Volleyball Player Gabrielle Reece
“Have a short memory and a lot of forgiveness. Especially us girls who don’t forget a thing. Move on …”

28. Fashion Designer Zac Posen
“Love advice is like life advice, so there are so many elements of that. I think humor, patience, admiration are really important love elements. Love and respect. You have to respect the person that you’re going to love, and you have to be confident in yourself and love yourself.”

29. CNN’s HLN News Anchor Robin Meade
“‘Think about how much you’d miss that if he were gone tomorrow.’ This is my senior producer’s advice in my ear during our news show if I’m grumbling about my hubby, whether about his habit of leaving dirty clothes around, or the way he goes into la la land while I’m talking with him, or that he wakes me up being loud overnight. How true! Heaven forbid, but if something ever happens to our loved ones, oh how we’d long for them to be back, and their little aggravating habits would be something cherished.

“On the other hand the best love advice I’ve ever given is: Gals, don’t marry someone for their looks. Sooner or later we all age and start to droop. Don’t marry someone for their position and don’t marry someone for money. Money comes and goes, and since when is that love? Marry someone because they make you laugh. Humor is always sexy. Besides, it’s awfully hard to get mad at someone while they’re making you laugh.”

30. The Real Housewives of New York’s Heather Thomson
“Well, it’s one of the oldest. It really is paradoxical, but it’s true: You just can’t go to bed mad. You have to make up, because there’s only one alternative, and that alternative is not being together. So, my husband and I always decide we might as well make up, whether we agree to disagree or not. We understand we are individuals and that together we’re unbelievably powerful and that we have a family that is the most important thing, and that I wouldn’t trade him for the world. So, love is about give and take, and love is about understanding that you’re individuals and together as a couple, you’re the strongest there ever is ifyou’re in the right couple.”

31. Sex Expert Emily Morse
“Love yourself, open your heart which means doing the work on yourself first. Then love will follow.”

32. Property Brothers’ Drew Scott
“Maya Angelou’s quote: ‘I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.'”

33. Property Brothers’ Jonathan Scott
“Never stop inspiring and surprising the person you love and allow them to do the same for you.

34. Actor Eric Dane
“I was going to say, ‘It’s work, relationships take work,’ but that makes it sound like relationships are hard, that they’re work. Rebecca and I have always gotten along really well. We’ve always had a really strong connection. I’m the last guy that should be giving people advice on love, that’s for sure. But I have a great marriage. I just got lucky, I guess.”

35. Actress Angie Harmon
“Kyra Sedgwick told me, ‘Keep your heart where your feet are’ and that’s incredibly difficult to do. It takes a lot of concentration. You’ve got to be conscientious of each other.”

36. Actor Jesse Metcalfe
“There’s no perfect relationship. All relationships are work. If you put in the work, you’ll reap the rewards.”

37. Actress Cara Santana
“‘It’s much better to understand than to be understood,’ from my mom.”

38. Actor Dennis Haskins
“I lost my dad back in the fall, and my dad said something to me a long time ago. He said, ‘Are you happy with who you are now?’ because we just had a real serious talk. And I said, ‘Yeah.’ He said, ‘Then you can’t regret what got you to where you are. So whatever you do and whatever mistakes you make, learn from them and grow. And just always treat people with kindness,’ which I’ve tried to do.”

The post Best Love Advice EVER! 38 Secrets To A Happy Relationship appeared first on 12thBLOG.

Young, independent, and . . . committed? Yep, you heard that right. This is a declaration for anyone who’s in a long-term relationship in their 20s and has felt pressure to “see what else is out there.” Some people think that being in a relationship in your 20s makes no sense at all. They assume you’re wasting away your youth; however, I couldn’t disagree more.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost three years. Since we’ve been together, I’ve studied abroad, lived alone, and still go out and have fun with my girlfriends. As a couple, we’ve traveled around Southeast Asia, gone to music festivals, and lived life like every other 20-something — we just happen to be in a relationship. I have a sense of stability that allows me to focus on my career rather than wasting energy worrying about if that guy will text me back or if I’ll ever fall in love.

Some of the most self-sufficient and motivated women I know happen to be in committed relationships as well. I asked them to share all the reasons they love having a significant other and compiled a list of perks below:

1. You can still experience the fun that a single person has (like studying abroad and going out with friends) while getting the benefits of a long-term significant other.
2. You’ve already found what most people spend their whole lives searching for — someone who truly understands you.
3. You have someone who knows and loves you during a time when you’re constantly learning and growing.
4. The laughter is deeper, the sex is better, and the affection is stronger in a committed relationship compared to a casual fling.
5. You’re constantly reassured of your talents and aspirations. It’s like having a personal 24/7 cheerleader.
6. Your family won’t constantly bug you to see if you’re dating anyone — they already know and love him.
7. From an early age (relatively speaking), you learn about what’s really important to you in a partner and what it takes to work toward a successful relationship.
8. Being able to fully trust someone is so important when trying to figure out your life.
9. At the end of the day, there will always be someone waiting for you.
10. While friends are telling you about all the immature guys they meet on Tinder or at bars, you don’t have to deal with jerks on a weekly basis.
11. Monogamy equals reduced risk of STDs.
12. You have someone who reminds you every day how much they love every part of you.
13. You teach each other new things, adventure together, and tackle challenges together.
14. You can increase the status of your relationship slowly, without the pressure to jump into marriage that can come later in life.
15. It’s nice to know someone is always looking out for you, there to drunkenly dance with you, and make sure you get home safely.
16. You have a confidante, best friend, and lover, all wrapped into one.
17. You have someone to take to your awkward family gatherings.
18. Even when you’re without makeup and wearing sweats, he makes you feel beautiful.
19. You don’t have to juggle dating and your career. You have more time to focus on your professional goals and ambitions.
20. Whether you marry or not, you’ve had way more practice being in a serious relationship than someone who only dated around until their late 20s.
21. Doing the most mundane things like going grocery shopping or heating up leftovers becomes instantly more fun with a partner by your side.
22. You have a support system during those years after college when close friends might be superbusy or spread all across the country.
23. You can stay in without feeling the pressure to go out. But on the nights you do go out, you don’t have to fake nice to the drunken guys at the bar because he’s there. It’s a win-win situation!
24. You help recognize each other’s flaws and push each another to become a better person.
25. When your single friends complain that they can’t find a normal, nice guy and wish they had someone like your guy, you feel lucky to have found someone so wonderful.
26. You can be yourself at all times, to be good and to be not so good, and to have someone every step of the way encourage you, laugh with you, reassure you, challenge you — in a word, love you.

The post 26 Perks of Being in a Serious Relationship in Your 20s appeared first on 12thBLOG.

For anyone who has been in a long-term relationship, there is no single answer on how to keep the spark alive. When you first start dating someone, there is a mixed bag of emotions including butterflies, excitement, and a sense of mystery. As time goes on, your relationship transitions to long-term status, and the initial happiness of the “honeymoon” phase can wear off. Just because you’ve been with someone for what feels like forever doesn’t mean the relationship has to become stale. Challenge yourselves and the relationship! Check out these 50 tips to help keep the romance well and strong for many more years to come.

1. Plan a date night.
2. Take a trip together.
3. Try a new hobby as a couple.
4. Go out on a double date.
5. Surprise your significant other.
6. Take some “me” time.
7. Communicate your feelings.
8. Discuss the future.
9. Support one another’s dreams.
10. Don’t go to bed angry.
11. Make a bucket list together.
12. Try something new in the bedroom.
13. Get a couple’s massage.
14. Team up in the kitchen and cook a new recipe.
15. Do something to show your siginificant other you care.
16. Remind her she’s beautiful or that he’s handsome.
17. Be honest about your feelings on a hot-button topic.
18. Respect one another.
19. Sign up for a class together.
20. Don’t hold on to past grudges.
21. Make time for friends and family.
22. Do something you’ve never done before together.
23. Take a breather when you’re fighting so you don’t say something you’ll regret.
24. Joke around with each other. Laughing is good for the soul.
25. Put an equal amount of effort into the relationship.
26. Mix up your evening routine by playing a board game.
27. Reminisce about your first date.
28. Have more sex.
29. Talk about an issue you’ve been sweeping under the rug.
30. Take time to really listen.
31. Be patient with one another.
32. Make time for one another as a couple.
33. Plan a spontaneous getaway.
34. Write a romantic letter or note.
35. Make breakfast in bed.
36. Plan an amazing date night at home.
37. Do something special for your anniversary.
38. Say “I love you” more.
39. Clean the house together.
40. Flirt with one another.
41. Focus on the positives instead of the negatives in your relationship.
42. Unplug for a night. No TV, computers, or phones.
43. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
44. Do something you’re scared of together.
45. Show some PDA.
46. Encourage one another to take on new challenges.
47. Take a bubble bath together.
48. Dress up for a date night.
49. Read a book together and talk about it.
50. Never forget why you fell in love in the first place.

The post 50 Ways to Turn Up the Heat in Your Long-Term Relationship appeared first on 12thBLOG.

If you’re feeling stuck in a relationship rut, a little extra spice may be just what you and your significant other need. Once the honeymoon phase passes, it’s easy for the initial spark to flicker and fade a bit, but there are plenty of ways to keep the romance alive and kicking! This 30-day challenge is designed to help increase the sweet and sexy elements in your relationship by doing at least one specific romantic thing, together or for each other, every day for the duration of a month.

This challenge is great for any type of relationship, whether you’ve been together for years or just want to ramp up the romance. You don’t have to do the list in order or wait until the beginning of the month to begin — get started doing this sweet stuff now!

Day 1: Sign up for a class together, or learn something new together.

Day 2: Get it on in a place you’ve never done it before, even if it’s just a different room in the house.

Day 3: Find a scenic location, and watch the sunset together.

Day 4: Dress up, and have a fancy date night.

Day 5: Leave a sweet, sexy, or romantic note somewhere they will find it.

Day 6: Make time for morning sex.

Day 7: Stay up late talking. Really catch up and check in with each other.

Day 8: Go see a concert or show together.

Day 9: Take turns photographing each other.

Day 10: Take a scenic road trip, and sing your favorite songs at the top of your lungs.

Day 11: Cuddle up on the couch, and watch or read a romantic film, TV show, or book together.

Day 12: Do one spontaneous thing for the other — either in the bedroom or elsewhere.

Day 13: Send each other compliments throughout the day. The sexier, the better.

Day 14: Go out somewhere, and show a little PDA.

Day 15: Experiment in the kitchen, and cook up something new.

Day 16: Take a bubble bath or shower together.

Day 17: Challenge each other to a board game.

Day 18: Try something new in the bedroom.

Day 19: Have a couples date with friends.

Day 20: Model new clothes or lingerie for each other.

Day 21: Rent a hotel room to get away from your regular routine for a night. If you want to save cash, camp out on your living room floor or under the stars in your backyard instead.

Day 22: Make a list of the reasons you love them, and share it.

Day 23: Spend a tech-free day together.

Day 24: Pull out old pictures from your early dating days, and revisit the honeymoon phase.

Day 25: Go for a run, take a hike, do yoga, or work out with each other.

Day 26: Make a playlist for each other. Pick songs that mean something to you both.

Day 27: Spend a day giving back to the community together.

Day 28: Give each other massages.

Day 29: Rearrange a room in your house. Change up the furniture, make or buy something to add to the decor, or upcycle something with each other.

Day 30: Turn on some slow music, and dance.

The post Spice Up Your Relationship With This 30-Day Challenge appeared first on 12thBLOG.

So true.

The post A Father and Son appeared first on 12thBLOG.