You never plan an affair to turn into something bigger. Usually, an affair is a kind of escape from relationships, something that makes you feel passion and anxiety and excitement all over again. It’s a forbidden fruit secretly shared between two partners. But what if… What if you feel that your affair is getting on another level, and it is getting more than just the usual episodic meetings in favorite places, and actually, more than sex? Can a forbidden fruit grow into a healthy tree bearing the fruit of a new and enduring love relationship? There are a lot of things to think about before answering the question.
Once a Cheater Always a Cheater?
That’s the first thing that comes to mind. Whether one of you, or both of you cheated – your relationships started as a love affair; a mere tryst. And let’s be honest – that’s not the best foundation for strong relationships. He cheated with you, why can’t he cheat on you with someone else? You may think something like: “This time it will be different. Our relationship is real. That won’t happen to us”. But you know that everyone wants to believe that. You also know that each time your beloved one won’t answer the phone or will be late for dinner, you will ask yourself – is he with someone else? Good question, but not the right feeling to have for a fresh start. So if you really want to make it work, you should be ready to overcome the trust and jealousy issues.
It’s Time for Pangs of Consciousness
Being jealous and suspicious is not the worst thing in affair relationships. The worst are the feelings of remorse and guilt. When you had an affair you never actually thought about the feelings of people you’ve cheated on, right? You were too busy enjoying your new love; the great sex and strong, passionate feelings. Now, when you can get a sober look on the situation you feel pangs of conscience that you are not doing the right thing; that it’s somehow a betrayal of values you have long held sacred. Naturally, you will understand that your affair could (and probably has) hurt other people. That feeling can really spoil your new relationships right at the start. You have to accept the fact that affair relationships are not tabula rasa – it’s not like you are a blank slate with this love affair relationship. You know EXACTLY what you are doing!
Start Learning from Your Mistakes
Obviously, if you have had an affair, your previous relationships weren’t successful. Before starting a new one, answer the question – what made you cheat? What has caused you to abandon your love and fidelity of the person in your old relationship? What has prompted you to want to “disconnect” and look for something new? As Emily Griffin wrote in ‘Something Blue’, “People generally didn’t cheat in good relationships.” Was your old love inattentive to your feelings? Did you lose the spark? Did you want to experience something new emotionally or physically? No matter what was the reason, make sure you do not feel the same with a new partner. Otherwise, you can bet that you will experience an instant replay of your old relationship.
Sometimes People Are Meant To Be Together
Though there are a lot of ifs or buts in affair relationships, they are not uncommon. Why? Because people are ready to roll the dice in search for greater happiness. Ok, this might sound harsh, but you can find your soul mate even when you are married and feel that this is the right person for you. Think about these couples: Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, John Lennon and Yoko Ono, Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles, Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor. Perfect, right? Well, they all started with affairs, and proved that ‘It doesn’t matter where you start, it matters where you end.’
Relationships Take Lots of Hard Work
It is true about any relationships, not only those that start with adultery. If you want your relationships to work – you should work on them. Support your partner each step of the way. He probably has a lot of doubts himself, so now he needs to see you from the other side. Show him that you are not just an adventurous brunette with playful eyes and high heels. Be a caring woman who is ready to open her feelings, discuss troubles and be there for him whenever he needs you. Do not be too assertive. Rushing will only set you apart. Step by step you will be able to see how the affair relationships will turn strong and sterling.
Unfortunately, there is no right answer to this age-old question ‘Can affair relationships succeed?’ Each case is unique and nobody can predict what happens until you try. Face it, there is no magic success formula to make it work. It is time to make a decision – are you ready to experiment and take a chance on a new relationship while at the same time terminating the old relationship which can be painful for you and your current mate as well. Is your affair actually worth it? Good luck in your decision.